How to Care for Your Hobbit
by MushrooomsPTook
Summary: I wrote this for English as an essay. It's a great guide to anyone who is thinking about adopting a hobbit, even you! Rated PG for mild statements of ale and pipeweed.


DISCLAIMER: I did not create hobbits, nor do I own any. If _you_ have any, you're welcome to try this out and tell me if it works! ;-) Happy reading.

Caring for a hobbit isn't as hard as understanding it, for although they resemble human beings in many ways, they are very different from us in other ways. Time, patience, understanding and attention all add up to benefit both you and your hobbit in creating a relationship and friendship between two cultures. Caring for a hobbit requires many responsibilities from the human parent or guardian, some which will prove to be more challenging than others.

The first thing you should do before adopting a hobbit is to understand what hobbits are and what their culture is about. Hobbits are little people with an average height of two to four feet tall. They have curly hair as well as rather large, hairy feet. They don't wear shoes because the bottoms of their feet provide a type of leathery sole for them. They generally are rather stout or "fat" in the stomach and enjoy simple and peaceful pleasures such as gardening, cooking, eating, brewing ale, and having parties.

With that basic information, we can now proceed on finding what hobbit is best for you. Hobbits come from different families. Each family of hobbits has its advantages and disadvantages. The Bagginses and Brandybucks are known for being the wealthiest of hobbits. They wear rich and expensive fabrics and are very much respected. Most Brandybucks are known to be able to swim, which is unusual for most hobbits, who often think down upon swimming. Tooks are known to be adventurous and spontaneous, which is very unlike hobbit custom and is not acceptable with certain hobbit families. Hobbits can be mixed with different family traits, so if you decide to adopt a Baggins and he or she decided to disappear for a day or two, then you'll know they've got a bit of Tookish blood in them.

After you have selected the hobbit you would like to keep, you'll want to be sure to have plenty of food, clothing, and entertainment for them. As far as food is concerned, you will probably be taking frequent trips to the grocery store. Taking your hobbit with you is highly recommended. Your hobbit won't be accustomed to the human life, so showing him or her what different foods there are will help you get to know what your hobbit likes. As a forewarning, it is better to know that hobbits have six meals a day, not forgetting snacks in between. Unlike some children, hobbits enjoy vegetables if they are of their preference. These vegetables include cabbage, carrots, mushrooms, potatoes, and others that may be harder to find. They also enjoy bacon and eggs, tomatoes, a variety of cheeses, cakes, bread, sausages, and pies. Allow your hobbit to experiment with the food of the human culture such as pizza and fast food. Take care not to overfeed them with these, as their digestion may not take to the change very well at all.

Shopping for clothing will not be easy and may just as well be made from scratch if possible. The hobbit fashion varies by class. If you have a Brandybuck, Took, or a Baggins, remember that these hobbits wear wealthy and rich fabrics. To provide your hobbit with something outside of his or her class may come across insulting and could turn ill for both you and your hobbit. Instead, study the kind of fabric they wear as well as the details. Notice that the colors they wear are that of earth tone colors, often a mixture of green, brown, and yellow.

Remember that hobbits are generally shy of humans, or as they call them "big folk", and your hobbit may have a hard time getting used to his or her new environment. Providing them with entertainment is fun for them as well as important, for it is a part of their culture. Hobbits like many parties and celebrations, even for minor events. Try to play a few simple games with your hobbit one on one. This will help build trust and bondage. Some hobbits like to read or have stories told to them. But as always, be sure that it isn't too complicated and more along the lines of fantasy or a fairy tale. Corrupting your hobbit with books of violence and high levels of intimacy may overwhelm him or her and may even result in feelings of insecurity.

If your hobbit is adventurous, take them outside and allow them to roam around. If they feel safe in their surroundings, they may start asking you to take them for an adventure, meaning they want to go on a walking trip for what could be days to months. If this happens, try going outside your area for an afternoon to see how they handle it. If it proves ill, wait a month or so before going on another adventure.

Television will be hard for them to accept and may even frighten them if they are shy. If you want to introduce your hobbit to television, start with Disney or animated films. Do not show anything corruptive.

The same goes with music. Exposing your hobbit to rap or metal is not recommended and will demand toleration on your part. Keep it simple and light. Classical and Celtic music should be appropriate.

Also, remember that hobbits are accustomed to singing songs and dancing wherever they please. If you like your furniture, make sure to tell your hobbit that dancing on certain areas is not allowed; however, allow them a place where they can find time to dance away their energy. If you dislike your neighbors, sending your hobbit over to dance on their furniture is another option.

If you want to really please your hobbit and win their favor, throw them a party for their birthday. To have a true hobbit-like party, you will need to invite at least fifty people and have more than plenty of food. Be sure to have lots of ale and pipeweed at hand. If you are against any forms of alcohol or smoking, this will severely disappoint your hobbit and may even offend them. Both of these are important in your hobbit's culture and depriving them of these pleasures will most likely result in depression and sickness. It is also important to know that hobbits like to receive presents on their birthday as much as they like to give them. If your hobbit offers you a gift on his or her birthday, do not turn it down; your hobbit will find this insulting. Likewise, you will be expected to give a present to him or her on your birthday.

Disciplining your hobbit will be challenging, as some things that are wrong in human tradition are acceptable in hobbit tradition. Lying is of course unacceptable and is rarely heard of among hobbits. However, if your hobbit has lied or misbehaved in another way, do not scream at them. Ask them if they have done something wrong and if your hobbit is loyal to you, they will be honest. Even if they admit bad behavior, yelling may traumatize your hobbit. As an act of punishment, telling them to go to bed without supper isn't recommended either. Instead, do not allow them to have something that they favor for at least two nights, maybe more depending upon the crime.

In order to educate your hobbit, you yourself will need to be educated, for hobbits are proud of their family heritage and the history of the Shire, in which they dwell. There are a few hobbits who are interested in the writings and the history of the Elves. This is something you should research.

Mathematics aren't different from our own culture, only that hobbits don't use calculators, or any forms of beneficial material, except for food. A hobbit can tell when he or she begins to eat a pie containing eight slices, leaves briefly, then returns to find two pieces missing.

Grammar and English should be handled very carefully, because hobbits speak Old English, whereas slang is a major part of our speech. You will need to base it off of what they have already learned and then teach them of our own language. Giving them books to read will help them with this, but remember that not all hobbits like to read.

Like humans, hobbits every once in a while can catch illness and can have severe fevers. The first thing you should do when dealing with a sick hobbit is to keep them in bed and keep them warm. Hobbits should drink lots of fluids, especially hot tea, preferably honey-sweetened. Next you should ask yourself what caused this illness. Naturally, there could be several answers, but you should take notice of your hobbit's recent behavior. Have they been depressed and withdrawn? Do they seem quiet? Do they cry often? Hobbits are very emotional and tender creatures. A lack of attention on your part may cause the hobbit to feel uncomfortable, unwanted, and at times, a burden. Hobbits need to be around people and especially people who care for them. Stay with them while they sleep and even read to them if they are up for it. The best medication you should give your sick hobbit is companionship.

In order for your hobbit to understand your way of living, you have to understand them and their way of living. As long as your hobbit knows that you are agreeable with them, they will warm up to you and learn to appreciate and even love you. With all these things put together, you should achieve an ideal relationship with your hobbit, one that will last for at least an age.


End file.
